I decided today that I'm never as happy as I am when I'm writing. From time to time I feel that way and then other things sort of creep up but I realized that even when I'm doing other things, I'm still sort of writing at the same time. Ideas keep going through my head about whatever I'm working on or several things and I'm thinking of names or plot points or colors so I guess I'm sort of always writing so it still ranks up there as my favorite thing to do. And what I love to do to make money and feel fulfilled. No matter what else is going on, I somehow always and only want to do just that. So yesterday I worked for hours on the new book and edited the hell out of it and it's in such better shape now. I couldn't get into the violent parts at the end because I wasn't feeling it, couldn't quite get it into my head in terms of how I wanted it to go and what exactly I wanted to happen in the altercation so I'm taking a time out on that until I watch 'Halloween' again, both the Carpenter and Zombie versions...whenever I get stuck and need some help with creepy ambiance, that's the movie to beat....So I'm definitely continuing to brew up a devastating concoction of strangeness and surreality and hoping to make a technicolor splash with the ending of this story...

I have to remind myself to listen to Be Your Own Pet, The Virgins, Switches, She Wants Revenge, Par Avion, Ipso Facto, etc....they sound like types of bands that I'd find inspiring when I need a dose of it, esp BYOP. The lead female singer has a Friday the 13th tattoo!!!

I recently re-watched 'Ghost World' and forgot how much I liked the phrase "Some people are ok, mostly I just feel like poisoning everybody."

I had a meeting today and felt like garbage since yesterday morning and just wanted to wear the loosest sweats that said whatever I felt like 'Time Out' or something but I groaned to myself that until I'm someone more known, I should make an effort to look nice when meeting with people that are choosing me to be in their movie (even if I can compromise by finding something a little loose and comfortable to wear). It's funny how when I feel perfect I can spout off pieces of girly wisdom about how its a good idea to inject a dose of old Hollywood glamour into your look and activities but when it's really necessary I just want to lie around and barely get dressed and groan and can't even remember my name let alone how to look and feel fantastic. So today I tried to get my nonsense together and put on something nice but easy to move in and earrings and some mascara and bustered down there and felt better. Well maybe not really but I felt like I looked and felt better to other people so that kind of gave me a boost. So, glamour. I love it. And love it best when I can use it to actually boost my mood instead of telling other women to constantly be glamorous when they least want to. So I guess I stepped up instead of writing about stepping up. Whatever. You can see I barely feel any better now regardless of the damn mascara.