You've seen them lurking. They nestle silently under tables, beds and undisturbed corners of your home. They take many shapes and sizes and can lay prone indefinitely, on a carpet under furniture, obscure to the eye. I am repulsed by the fact and ridden with guilt that I, Mrs. Clean, used to gather them at grandma's house and keep them in a little bunny Easter basket. I have grown older and wiser. Dust bunnies are not to be considered pets and although they are our constant companions, they are dangerous to life and limb.

It's time to take a deep breath and face the facts. I have investigated heavily for years into the formation of these soft fluffy wayward dust rodents. Let's get down to the ground floor of how they take shape and make their wispy ghostly appearances. When the rays are pouring through the windows, in those magic moments while you sip your breakfast coffee, you can observe flecks of dust dancing lightly in the air. This my friends, is the sacred moment of birth of the dust bunny. There is no stopping this phenomenon except to - are you ready? - breathe them in.

Busy are you? The faster you walk through your home the faster they form. Have pets?Pet hair increases their rapid growth, but the upside is you can spot the varmints easier. It's a fact that these marauders grow faster on tile floors. I recently completed my study in Texas, at my daughter's lavish home. Her two dogs were willingly to continue shedding while going about their day to days. I observed that dust bunnies have cleverly have found a cohort - the ceiling fan. The sum and total of their enlargement is increased by CBF (circular breeze factor). Have a long entry hall? That ceiling fan can drive dog hair roughly 75 feet. Excuse you if you answer your door and guests have to step over a pile up. Sorry, it is socially classless to simply shove unwanted bunnies out the door and throw your cares to the wind.

Steel yourself for more findings.Fabrics shed fiber. This is the purpose of the dryer filter. I know. I used to line my bunny basket with tinted laundry lint. Sock lint, yes let's get personal. Every time you wiggle your toes you create TFL (toe friction lint). I know Buffalo has some rather difficult seasons but I do recommend brushing your hair and pets outdoors or at SEP (someone else's place). I should mention "fluff dusting" it being propagated by lazy mary housekeepers. They prey on the dust bunny uneducated.

But, you ask, how can such docile tufts be potential killers? After a Texas siege with Jack-a-lope size bunnies, that lasted longer than the encounter at the Alamo, I returned to find no amount of WD 40 could get my mother's walker wheel turning. I dismantled the wheel to find it clogged by, you guessed it,dust bunnies. The truth unfolded. They had snuggled hidden deep inside more than enough to impede the wheel from turning dependably. Most elderly walk close to a hall wall and dust bunnies who reside in the crevices hop on for the ride. Falling is number one on the risk list for the elderly. Her housekeeper professed total ignorance of the existence of dust bunnies. Being an authority I, shall we say, enlightened her.

I traveled home with gnawing thoughts about my heavy buffet. I asked one of my own guests to help me move it away from the wall. A lot of resulting ooh's and ahh's. There they were! I even found a paper and pencil lying there among them. Had these dust bunnies been hiding long enough to have Darwined to a stage where they were seeking to communicate? My work is invaluable. My studies must continue.

Meanwhile, please, in good conscience, check the walker wheels of those you hold dear. Beyond that, do take a stand against fluff dusting and only hire housekeepers who believe in old fashioned EG (elbow grease). Ask if their services are endorsed by the DBPofA ( Dust Bunny Police of America).

My daughter received a citation for not brushing her dogs.